Journal Entry: Sat Aug 22, 2015, 4:36 PM
Ugh. I head out tomorrow morning to move into my dorm. Although this is my second time doing so and I'm way more ready to get out of my stupid house and away from my stupid family, somehow I'm really nervous today. I doubt I'll get a decent sleep tonight too unless I find a way to distract myself and forget. Mostly I feel like I'm going to school again because it's an easy way out of this environment I'm trapped in, and because it was brainwashed into me in the art class I was taking. All this time out of school and taking a step back and really looking at it has made me grown to hate it. I hate our education system. I hate how once I get out of this, graduated or not I'm going to be even further in debt except this time around I don't have a decent sized (but not quite adequate enough) savings account to cushion me for a few months. I hate how I know already my anxiety is going to be the first thing that gets to me, although I really hope this time around I can stave off the depression with frequent talks with my friends- all of whom I am grateful have some sort of online presence unlike when I graduated high school and could only keep in contact with two. I hope this time around I like my roommate and I am not so introverted and scared that I don't make friends until the semester's almost over. I'm vowing to stay out of my room as much as possible so I don't get sucked into the pitfall I did last time.
I'm shaking and I feel nauseous, and I'm scared that this go around will be just as bad as last time. I really really hope this is a turning point for the better and not a waste of everyone's (including mine) time and money.